Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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