Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
