girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
