im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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