Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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