he thought i was a dude.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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