Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
