Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
