So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
