That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
