Who wears a wallet chain?!
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize