Girls should come with a carfax report
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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