i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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