Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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