i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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