so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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