somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
