I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
