This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
