I look better un-naked...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
