I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
