Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
