it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
