I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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