i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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