I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize