We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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