I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
