You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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