brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
