I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
