I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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