I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize