I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
