girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
