what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize