I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
