Don't make out with my wife yet
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
