are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
