No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
