you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
