i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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