You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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