I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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