I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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