Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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