i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
