Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
