Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
