and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
