I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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