you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize