I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Its about making memories worth repressing
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
