It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
