they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
