3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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