Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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