So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize