I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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