Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
