wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
