Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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