All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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