The best revenge is premature balding
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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