he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
