saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
