I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
