Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
