First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
