So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
