is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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