Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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